This news has been received from: mercurynews.com

All trademarks, copyrights, videos, photos and logos are owned by respective news sources. News stories, videos and live streams are from trusted sources.

mail: [NewsMag]

Dear Amy: Two years ago (prior to the pandemic), my husband and I went on a cruise with longtime friends. They then asked us to join them again. The date is approaching, and we are having a huge problem letting my sister know we are going.

Amy Dickinson 

I know this is a first-world problem, but my sister is a widow and counts on us to provide her with all her socialization.

My husband has been a saint in making her a part of all our vacations, dinners out, etc., with no complaint. We have been married for 52 years and my sister has been widowed for 20 years.

She is always complaining of how she is bored and feels no one does anything to provide her with “things to do,” or asking her to be part of vacations, dinner parties, etc.

We are at a loss on how to tell her we are leaving without her on this trip.

Related Articles

  • Ask Amy: My husband resents my father’s sweet tradition
  • Ask Amy: I was a careless teen, and his concern brought tears to my eyes
  • Ask Amy: My children won’t attend if these little terrors are at the party
  • Ask Amy: Her off-the-rails behavior made a terrible situation worse
  • Ask Amy: I’m so hurt by my husband’s emails to this woman, but he won’t apologize
She is wealthy, we are not, but she has no one to go with her on adventures.

Past experiences when this has happened have been incredibly unpleasant. She becomes very depressed and will go for weeks without speaking to us.

It makes us feel guilty for going without her, but we also believe we are entitled to have our own life. There are many past familial issues with my mother, who was mentally ill, leading to feelings of abandonment and guilt.

Is there any way we can tell her we are leaving for nine days without her feeling left out and abandoned?

We have considered offering to go with her on a trip of her choosing at Christmas, but we don’t know how to approach the situation.

It is causing me (and my husband) much anxiety. I actually vomit due to anxiety over this.

What can we do?

Guilty

Dear Guilty: Your sister is something of an emotional vampire, and your generosity toward her over the last 20 years has enabled her to control you to the extent that you and your husband have already determined that you won’t be able to enjoy a wonderful vacation without her.

That’s how powerful and successful her training has been!

If you had established some reasonable boundaries years ago, your sister might have her own life by now.

There are many wonderful opportunities for guided travel available to solo travelers with the means and motivation.

If you don’t have the backbone to tolerate your sister’s tantrum, then you should just give in, stay home, and devote yourselves to her needs.

However, you might liberate yourselves from this control if you prepare yourselves for her reaction and simply choose not to be triggered by it this time.

You say, “We’re leaving for a cruise at the end of the month and will be gone for nine days. We’re pretty excited and looking forward to it, and we’ll see you when we return.”

Do not offer her alternate vacations in order to appease her. That is just reinforcing behavior which you are seeking to change.

Dear Amy: My husband and I always have this disagreement whenever we go out for a meal.

Do you base your tip on the total amount (like I do) or before the tax (like my husband)? Please settle this for me!

Big Tipper in NJ

Dear Tipper: Strictly speaking, if you tip on the total (including tax), then part of your tip is actually based on the tax itself,  not on services rendered.

However, I base my tip on the total, and then add some. I do this because I once waited tables. Also, because I can.

The U.S. Department of Labor publishes a table of minimum wages for tipped employees (which vary by state). Ask your husband to take a look at this chart (search on DOL.gov) and ask if shaving a few pennies off of a tip from these truly minimal hourly minimums is really worth it to him.

Dear Amy: I was disappointed by your response to “Tired.” This letter was written by a mom who didn’t like it when her adult children kept bouncing back home for long or short stays.

You should have suggested that she give them jobs to do! At the very least, each visiting child should pay for/prepare one meal for the family.

Never an Empty Nest

Dear Never: I did suggest that “Tired” should set up some boundaries in terms of cooking and cleaning, but, yes, giving them specific jobs would be better.

Related Articles
  • Dear Abby: He insists we leave California, and I’m not happy
  • Ask Amy: My husband resents my father’s sweet tradition
  • Harriette Cole: I overheard what my father said about me
  • Miss Manners: I thought my offer was polite. His response startled me.
  • Dear Abby: I’m not allowed to talk to my boyfriend’s ex since I made her ‘uncomfortable’

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

 

News Source: mercurynews.com

Tags: mr roadshow cartoons pac 12 hotline celebrities mr roadshow cartoons pac 12 hotline celebrities advice ask amy coffee break lifestyle father’s sweet my father’s to go to provide my husband my husband related articles there are many for nine days your husband your sister leaving without to tell

Who is Matthew Reeves?

Next News:

I’m a trash parent and find alternative uses for my rubbish – condiment bottles make amazing juice cups

A "TRASH parent", who finds alternative uses for her rubbish, has revealed condiment containers make perfect juice cups for kids.

Mindy took to TikTok to share her tip, beginning her video by stating: "My name’s Mindy and I’m a trash parent."

3Mindy took to TikTok to share a video of how she uses condiment bottles as juice boxes for her kidsCredit: TikTok/menzennial

She continued: "The purpose of this video is just to inform you that condiment containers make really great sippy cups.

"I have these little flexible straws for my toddler, but regular straws also fit."

She then demonstrated how the straws fit in the hole for a mustard bottle and a Chick-Fil-A sauce.

"These are really great for filling up, you can use the lid, throw them in the diaper bag and take them out, and it’s no stress if they get lost or broken," she added.

"I just wanted to share!"

However, Mindy's suggestion divided opinion among commenters on the video.

Most read in LifestyleBEYOND REPAIR Prince Andrew public jury trial will DAMAGE Monarchy 'beyond repair'NO RETURN Meg & Harry's 'ship has sailed' for Royal return after missing event with KateMIND THE BUMP Speed Bump sex position promises intense orgasms & it's ideal for lazy girlsINSPIRING COUPLE Trolls say my disabled husband can’t satisfy me but they’re wrong

"A CEO from a plastic company refuses to use plastic in his house - what does that tell you ??" one person wrote.

"Fun idea but make sure its not made of plastic #1, or polyethylene terephthalate (PET) or chemicals from the plastic will leach into the drink," another added.

Mindy later returned to the post to respond to the comments from haters, writing: "If you are not comfortable reusing plastic that’s ok!

3Mindy uses all kinds of bottles for the hack, including a Chick-Fil-A sauce bottleCredit: TikTok/menzennial 3Mindy labelled herself a "trash parent" because she tries to find uses for her rubbishCredit: TikTok/menzennial

"Not trying to tell anyone what to do - Just help people! (Maybe decrease juice box purchases)."

She added: "I do not use these for hot drinks or put them in the dishwasher. I get several uses before they’re recycled."

But others were fully on board for the hack.

"Oh. My. GOD. VISIONARY!" one mum commented, while another added: "One less thing in the land fill for a good while! thank u for this I'm totally doing this."

"That is not trash. It is treasure! Wish I’d had that hack when mine were little," someone else wrote.

In other parenting news, a parenting coach has explained why you should never tell kids to stop crying when they hurt themselves.

This woman looked like a different person during her pregnancy because her face swelled so much.

And this lady has spent £3,000 on baby clothes despite not being pregnant - people think she's "bonkers".

I regret my children’s boring names - I should have been way more adventurous

Other News

  • 1,000-lb Sisters fans worry about Amy Slaton’s son Gage, 2, after rat poop & roaches are discovered under tot’s crib
  • Amys Kitchen workers file labor complaint alleging they cant use bathroom or drink water at work
  • Daughter Says Parents Caught In Pittsburgh Bridge Collapse Broke Backs
  • All iPhone users can shut down spammers with this robocall blocking trick
  • Teen Jeopardy! winner details horrific cyberbullying and STALKING she faced after appearing on the show at age 16 - revealing trolls even accused her of having SEX with Alex Trebek in order to get the answers
  • Transgender Jeopardy! Champion Amy Schneider Signs with Hollywood Mega Agency CAA
  • 1,000-Lb Sisters’ Tammy Slaton’s pal gives update on her health in rehab as she gives up ‘drinking, smoking & junk food’
  • Kathy Hilton Says Shes Embarrassed About Her Behavior
  • 1,000-lb Sisters’ Tammy Slaton shows off new look after ‘checking into rehab AGAIN’ as she tips scales at 639 pounds
  • Urgent tax warning as experts reveal exact ways you can tell if your forms have been hacked
  • Preschool teacher thrilled to tell her class she’s pregnant… but their response is absolutely savage
  • Ask Amy: This friend acts like he doesnt know why Im mad at him
  • North Carolina women cruise past No. 21 Duke 78-62
  • Hillmon, No. 7 Michigan cruise past No. 22 Ohio State, 77-58
  • Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider signs with CAA... just one day after her epic 40-game winning streak is snapped
  • Behar on SCOTUS: Justices Barrett, Thomas Deliberate Plants to Oppose Women, Black Rights
  • Ex-WWE star Jazzy Gabert claims she’s not had sex in two years because men are ‘afraid’ of her
  • GM CEO Mary Barra takes first autonomous car ride with Cruise: 'It's just surreal'
  • 1,000-Lb Sisters’ Tammy Slaton checks into rehab again for weight after star sparked concern with ‘reckless’ behavior